Decent Into Darkness
Aug. 19th, 2020 09:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bloodlust666When this all first happened, I didn't believe in things like vampires. Then he bit me and my entire life changed.
The list of things I can't do is endless. I can no longer eat human food or drinks. High proof alcohols are the exception but no matter how much I drink, I can't get drunk.
I can't garden in the sun, only by moonlight. I can't go to a store whenever I want. I can't go for a car ride on a bright day.
So many things I miss.
I have been quickly losing sleep. Since april I have been riding the fence between day and night. I thought I was clever. I could have the best of both worlds. It was amazing at first, then around The end of June, early July it started catching up with me. I would sleep a little in the morning, a little in the evening and be up day and night.
I started getting so tired so easily. And I noticed I was always sad or in a bad mood. Now its mid August and worse than ever. I'm not sleeping hardly at all. Constantly tired, moody and downright depressed feeling. On top of that my mom just passed away.
I'm beginning to understand that no matter what, you can only ride the fence for so long before you fall to one side or the other.
Starting in the morning, I have to finally accept what I am. I have to say good bye to the light for the final time.
I am scared, sad, anxious. But Radu is here to help me adjust. To help me find my full potential.
Here's to my new life....I'm scared to death...
The list of things I can't do is endless. I can no longer eat human food or drinks. High proof alcohols are the exception but no matter how much I drink, I can't get drunk.
I can't garden in the sun, only by moonlight. I can't go to a store whenever I want. I can't go for a car ride on a bright day.
So many things I miss.
I have been quickly losing sleep. Since april I have been riding the fence between day and night. I thought I was clever. I could have the best of both worlds. It was amazing at first, then around The end of June, early July it started catching up with me. I would sleep a little in the morning, a little in the evening and be up day and night.
I started getting so tired so easily. And I noticed I was always sad or in a bad mood. Now its mid August and worse than ever. I'm not sleeping hardly at all. Constantly tired, moody and downright depressed feeling. On top of that my mom just passed away.
I'm beginning to understand that no matter what, you can only ride the fence for so long before you fall to one side or the other.
Starting in the morning, I have to finally accept what I am. I have to say good bye to the light for the final time.
I am scared, sad, anxious. But Radu is here to help me adjust. To help me find my full potential.
Here's to my new life....I'm scared to death...
